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Agent to the Stars - - An Online Novel. Table of Contents and Other Stuff.

It's come to my attention some spambot has taken text from this site and used it to spam newsgroups. Although I am not responsible for the spammage, let me still say: Sorry, folks.! Details below, after the Table of Contents. Artwork by Mike Krahulik (visit Penny Arcade!)The entire novel is available on this page. You can scroll and read the whole thing. Or click on the links below for specific chapters. Introduction. Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 1.

Subscribe and SAVE, give a gift subscription or get help with an existing subscription by clicking the links below each cover image.

Legal Notes: This work is copyrighted by John Scalzi. The novel is freely given and may be freely distributed on a non- commercial basis, in whatever electronic format you please, as long as the work remains intact and unaltered and is attributed to me, John Scalzi. All other rights are reserved by me, specifically commercial and derivative rights. If you are interested in commercial and/or derivative rights, contact me. If you enjoy this novel, a signed, limited edition hardcover is available from Subterranean Press.

Read the details here. Order from Subterranean Press. Subterranean Press site benefits the Child's Play charity. Also available on Amazon and BN. This edition is limited to just 1,5.

Get them while they last. You can read more about it and see a sample chapter here. Posted by john at 0.

PMIntroduction. Hi there. In the summer of 1. I was 2. 8 years old, and I decided that after years of thinking about writing a novel, I was simply going to go ahead and write one. There were two motivations for doing so. First, I was simply curious if I could; I'd had up to that time a reasonably successful life as a writer, but I'd never written anything longer than ten pages in my life outside of a classroom setting.

Two, my ten- year high school reunion was coming up, and I wanted to be able to say I'd finished a novel just in case anyone asked (they didn't, the bastards). In sitting down to write the novel, I decided to make it easy on myself. I decided first that I wasn't going to try to write something near and dear to my heart, just a fun story. That way, if I screwed it up (which was a real possibility), it wasn't like I was screwing up the One Story That Mattered To Me.

I decided also that the goal of writing the novel was the actual writing of it - - not the selling of it, which is usually the goal of a novelist. I didn't want to worry about whether it was good enough to sell; I just wanted to have the experience of writing a story over the length of a novel, and see what I thought about it. Not every writer is a novelist; I wanted to see if I was. Making these two decisions freed me from a lot of the usual angst and pain that comes from writing a first novel.

This was in all respects a . I picked a fun, humorous story - - aliens from another world decide to get an agent - - and I just let it take me where it wanted to go. I banged out the chapters on the weekends, using the weekdays to let my mind figure out what to do next. The writing was fun, and for the most part it was easy, and in three months, the whole thing was done (and just in time for my high- school reunion). Once the novel was finished, I decided, what the heck, I might as well try to sell it. This was not particularly successful.

The agents I shopped it to liked the writing, but said humorous SF was hard place; the publishers liked the writing but said humorous SF was hard to sell. I wasn't terribly put out about this; this was a practice novel, after all. But on the other hand I thought it was good enough to let other people see it. So in early 1. 99.

I decided to put it online as a . If they didn't like it, well, clearly, they wouldn't have to send me anything. It was a no- risk proposition for the reader. I didn't expect to see a dime from it, but as it turns out, over five years I made about $4,0. I think it was about that much. I stopped counting after a while. I know I made enough to buy a laptop and lots of pizzas.

More than enough). Fast forward to today. My second novel, Old Man's War, did indeed sell to a publisher, thanks in no small part to the experience earned writing this novel. And between the writing of this novel and the publication of that one, five other books slipped out of my brain, due in some measure to my confidence that I could write book- length works, be they fiction or non- fiction. In a sense, this novel is the midwife to every book since. For this reason alone, it holds a special place in my heart.

It doesn't hurt that it's a fun story, too. And now here it is for you to read. I'm no longer soliciting a dollar if you enjoy the novel; the story has long since proved its worth in that respect. I offer it freely to give new readers a sample of my writing (perchance to tempt them to pick up one of the other books), and to say . I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and have enjoyed all the writing since. John Scalzi. December 8, 2.

Posted by john at 0. PMChapter One? For Michelle Beck? You're out of your fucking mind, Tom. How To Install Red Dot Magnifier Vs Scope.

My hands were currently occupied with a blue rubber racquetball, which I was lightly bouncing off the pane of my office window. Each quiet thock left a tiny imprint on the glass. It looked like a litter of poodles had levitated six feet off the ground and schmooged their noses against the window. Someone would eventually have to wipe them all off. I wrote the check. It's now $2. 20 million dollars later. Not to mention your own Murdered Earth - - $8.

And that's before foreign, where no one will notice that there's no plot. I'd say you got your one cheap taste. Now you've gotta pay. And she wasn't the star. And if she wasn't the star, why did you plaster her all over the posters and give her second billing? Fourteen million and 1. Gee, that was easy.

I turned away from the window to face my desk. Miranda Escalon, my administrative assistant, entered my office and slipped me a note. Michelle just called, it read. Remember that you have to get them to pay for her hairdresser and makeup artist. But you're asking too much. Allen is getting $2. If we give Michelle what she wants, that's $3.

Where do you suggest we might make a profit? Miranda read it and raised her eyebrows. She left the room.

The odds of her actually giving that message to Michelle were unimaginably remote. She's not paid to do everything I say - - she's paid to do everything I should say. There's a difference. If he were, I'd be endlessly fascinated by the amount of money you're throwing to him.

But he is not. Therefore, I could not possibly give two shits about what you're handing him. My responsibility is to my client and getting a fair deal for her. Second: $2. 0 million for Allen Green? You're an idiot. I'm about to go back for my 1.

He's been out in the wilderness for a long time, Brad. Michelle, on the other hand, is a major star.

Fourteen million is a bargain. Miranda popped her head in.

She's back, she mouthed. The woman herself is on the other line. Even more important than the invention of liposuction. It has extended the career of many an actress, thus benefiting their agents, allowing them to pay your salary.

Liposuction is your friend. Ambient street noise filled my earphones. Michelle was undoubtedly careening along Santa Monica Boulevard.

Whatever it is, make it quick. I thought I had it. If you didn't get it, that puts you in there with Jessica Lange and Meryl Streep. You're in good company. Besides, the pay wasn't that good. Michelle had cut someone off. I don't want to be doing Summertime Blues for the next ten years.

This role would have helped me stretch. I want to work on my craft. Let's work with that for a couple of movies, okay? Get a nice nest egg.

Your craft will still be there later. And you're blonde. I kept that last thought in my head. No point confusing her.

One in each acting category. And she's also not 2. Michelle, let it go. If you want to work on your craft, we can get you into some live theater.

That's craft. Craft up the wazoo. They're doing Doll's House over at the Dorothy Chandler.